Warning: The following blog contains questionable content. Reader discretion is advised.

 

In the entire era of toddlerhood, perhaps nothing is more challenging and important than the topic I am about to undress, I mean address. It is of course, potty-training. To master it, you must summon up some very precise skills.

 

To be specific, the act of potty-training requires your most effective sales technique. If you are not a salesman and have an antipathy for that type of coercion, I have one piece of advice for you, get over it! The rewards and freedom that come with potty training your child is incalculable. Less mess, less odor, a lighter day bag, an average daily savings of 23 minutes, bodily fluids in their proper place, and one less piece of furniture with the changing table being relegated to the garage next to the bassinet, crib, bouncer and mobiles.

 

TODDLER ENSEMBLE

 

But odds are this will not be a smooth transition. Let’s face farts, I mean facts. Why would any toddler want to be potty-trained? A diaper is a wonderful addition to any child’s ensemble.  It allows them the freedom to be on their merry way without pissing, err missing a beat. Oh, sure it might be uncomfortable for a bit, but the onus (read it again, I said onus!), not to mention the urine, inevitably falls on the parent changing the child.

 

This is where your best marketing and branding begins. You must convey to your child all the joys of the porcelain throne. Wax poetic about the enthralling books you’ve read on the toilet, the mysteries of the universe you’ve solved while in bathroom-seclusion, and the fascinating toys that await if they achieve this noble goal (you do not want to be above bribery on this one!).

 

THE SCOOP

 

But, here’s the straight poop, damn, scoop. This preselling could take months, hopefully not years! In my experience some toddlers will adopt to this new regime quicker than others. The presence of an older sibling to set the example is definitely a benefit and children’s books are available on this tricky topic. But there is no magic process and guaranteed method for success. For my boys it was a series of trial and ERROR, where the results of the error can be quite embarrassing/messy/complicated/ruinous.

 

The personality of your child should help guide your approach. My one tip would be don’t force it. If they are not ready, you need to shelve it for a few weeks and try again later. That’s it for now, I need to run and change a diaper. Do as I say not as I do!