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Certain things never occurred to me until I became a parent, or to put it another way, they never became apparent until I did.  Truisms, rules, things taken for granted all come into question when you have little ones that are dependent on you and expect to learn from you.  Like…

 

  • Why is “W” called Double-U. It would be much easier to teach your child to recognize this letter if it was called Double-V!
  • Related topic: “C” is the only letter that spelled out phonetically does not contain itself, “see”. This makes it very difficult, I propose we rename the letter “C” to “Cey” as in Ron the old baseball great.
  • If you have a boy you soon realize that most public stalls are too high, even the low ones. It should be law that every public restroom should have a least one urinal that goes to the floor.
  • Related topic: When your son flushes said public toilet, tell them to flush and run like hell because at their height the spray that comes off those public urinals will make it look like they did not make it to the bathroom on time.
  • The life of a toy is in direct disproportion to the amount of time it takes you to pick it out. If you research it, agonize over it, have trouble locating it, spend an extra forty bucks because it no longer is in circulation and has become a collector’s item, and think it is the perfect gift because it reminds you of something you always wanted as a child, its appeal will last a little longer than the box it came in.  If you buy it at a garage sale for a quarter, and balk at that because “they’ll never play with it!” it will be the one thing from their childhood they pack and take to their college dorm room.
  • A spider in the house is no longer an annoyance, it is now a threat to your child.
  • Ditto for mosquitoes.
  • Related topic: An ant in the house is no longer an insect, it could be a potential pet and you will be the bad guy for terminating it.
  • Mommy and Daddy’s bed is never off limits.   Never!
  • Related topic: There is no such thing as privacy for a parent.
  • Important related tip: Lock the bathroom door.
  • There’s more sand in your car than the playground.
  • No wall is soundproof.
  • Potty becomes a part of your daily lexicon…an important part.
  • Screaming is never appropriate, although sometimes you just “hafta”.
  • You start seriously pondering the age-old question, “I wonder what my favorite color really is?”
  • You tie someone else’s shoelaces at the gym before a workout.
  • You find a Gummi Bear in your work pants…and it has melted…onto the keys…that start your car…and you’re in a parking lot…where it’s raining…and you’re with a client.
  • There is a Batman figurine in your briefcase, but not the contract for your 2:30 meeting.
  • You know the name of every Pokemon, but you have forgotten some of your coworkers.
  • You start seriously wondering, “Who is my best friend?”
  • Your boss asks you how to spell eBay and you reply “little e, big B, little a…”
  • You end a heated discussion at work with “Because I’m the Daddy, that’s why!”
  • You rarely leave the house without dried spittle somewhere on your clothes.
  • The normal state for your body is exhaustion.
  • The normal state of your check book is red.
  • You find your memory isn’t…where was I?

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