I’m not sure you’re ready for this yet, but I am going to tell you the hardest thing about being a dad. It is not waking up at 3am to comfort your child in the middle of the night. It is not giving your feverish child a tepid bath while he pleads for you to stop, although that is pretty dreadful. It is not even getting peed on in your new suit as you’re heading out the door for your annual meeting (maybe no one will notice). It is coming in second in the standings after your wife on the daily popularity poll. And you know what, it is usually a landslide!
When you think about it rationally (which guys seldom do) that is only fair. After all, your wife protected them in her womb for nine months, she painfully delivered them into this world, she probably nursed them for the first twelve months of their life while you stood by burping and making goo-goo eyes (next time say excuse me when you burp). Granted those are both vitally important jobs, but they just do not get the same recognition as childbirth and nursing.
MORE BAD NEWS
So here’s the bad news. You can show your children an unbelievable day, we’re talking, truly spectacular. You can take them to the zoo, the park, the beach, all before breakfast, then to a double header at Camden Yards, off to McDonald’s for lunch, then on to a private tour of Disneyland enjoying all the rides without waiting in line, and back home on the Concorde before dinner. Well, you get the idea. You are the king of all you survey, and your sons have not stopped grinning since the moment he got out of bed.
Your wife comes home from running errands, and your kids leave you in the dust as they race to give her a hug and tell her how much they missed her. They barely remember your name once she walks in the door and if you try to pick them up, they scream like you are a an extra from The Walking Dead!
THE WALKING DAD
Well, that is the bad news. And there are days it will get to you more than others. In a certain respect you must admire their taste, I mean, this is the woman you married and if they prefer her, then they just have the same good taste you do.
Your wife will try to console you with, “I get the same treatment myself sometimes.” If you inquire when this happens to her, it always seems to occur when you are at work or in the shower or mowing the lawn (just kidding, I don’t mow the lawn). Coincidence? I think not. This is just a simple ploy on their part to make you feel better. There is probably an entire chapter devoted to it in one of those pre-baby books for women.
“Try on occasion to make your husband feel as if he is the most important person in the child’s life. This will be of great assistance to you when he begins to become envious of the strong bond you will inevitably build with your child. It’ll be our little secret.” Well the gigs up ladies. We know it is a lie and the kids like you better, so there! Now, don’t you feel better?