LONG DAYS JOURNEY
“You’re still here?” your coworkers chide as you arrive at work yet one more day after you said the baby would be born. You realize seven months too late; I should have added two weeks onto the due date when I told them we were expecting.
The phone rings and you grab it while putting on your jacket; you run to get some water and leave your coworker three pages of instructions on how to handle the call if it is your wife; you see you have a new voicemail from your wife and you drive home before even listening to it!
You race to get home sure she is waiting in the car for you to drive her to the hospital only to walk in the house and find her stenciling the baby’s door with some Winnie the Pooh patterns (see The Nesting Season). Turns out the voicemail said pick up more paint on your way home!
GET IN THE CAR!
When you and your wife are expecting a child, and it is after the due date (which you will learn is an educated guess at best) the days are about thirty-eight hours long, loaded with false alarms. Every time my wife goes to the bathroom for longer than five minutes, I warm up the car.
“What are you doing?” she shouts over the roar of the motor.
“Get in we’ll take route number four on our options list and with traffic be there in 12.7 minutes.”
“I was only blow drying my hair!” your wife shouts.
THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART
As the days drag on everyone becomes more edgy; you, your wife; relatives; grandparents-to-be; coworkers; neighbors; the mailman. It seems like the baby will never be born and then a new fear hits you, what if my wife has just been putting on weight all these months?
False alarm, you tell your colleagues, we weren’t pregnant after all, it was just water weight gain!
In the end, the baby arrives when they are good and ready. As you will soon learn, babies do everything on their time schedule, not yours!